Refuge for a Single Mom

Have you ever had so much that you just couldn`t take one more minute?

After a very rough weekend, Monday was just about the last straw!  In fact, it was the first time in a very LONG time that I felt hopeless!  I cried and cried to God, most of the day, asking why was I here?  Why was it all so hard?  Why me?  Why God why?

This weekend has been one of the loneliest, saddest, most defeated times of my life.  I think when you feel like your own children don`t like you very much . . . you figure WHY ANYTHING?

I mean, our children are the only REAL reason(s) any of us push through the bad stuff!

My teenager had informed me that I`m never nice to him and all I ever do is yell at him.  (SO not true!)  I am always encouraging him and telling him how proud I am of him.  What a wonderful kid, son, brother, grandson, friend, etc. that he is.  (But he`s a teenager!)

My pre-schooler had resorted to screaming, kicking and hitting to get his way.  And I have no idea where he`s picked up the phrase `stupid Mommy`!  (Uplifing!)  I felt like I was in one of those crazy reality nanny shows where they show you the most horrible, spoiled children you could imagine!

This is the hardest part about being a single parent.  We have to wear so many hats.  We`re Mom, Dad, breadwinner, peacekeeper, disciplinarian . . .  I feel like I never get to be `Christina` or even a `woman` or a `friend`.  ~ I`m always `on duty`!  *smile*

I am so tired, sad, lonely ~ it is very defeating and the enemy knows this.  I could go over this and over this every single day for the rest of my life and it will never make it any easier to cope with for me or you or anyone!

Funny thing is, if you go to God, if you go to His Word, you WILL find the answers you seek!

2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, 8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.  James 1:2-8

I wrestled with whether or not to write and post this blog . . . I generally like to be a bit more uplifting and hopeful!  *wink*

Thing is, each one of us needs to know we aren`t alone.  If we know that someone else struggles with the same trials that we do, then it makes it a bit easier!  We tend to feel like there really is hope.

I`m getting through it!  It`s a `phase`!  It`s an attack by the enemy to bring me to my knees!  I refuse to allow this!  I refuse to give in to the attacks!  I have prayed and prayed.  I have prayed over my children.  I`ve prayed for clarity!  I have prayed for His supernatural protection from the attacks!  And I will continue to pray!  I will NOT give up!

12 Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. 15 Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. 16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. 17 Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. 18 In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures. 19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. 21 Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls. 22 But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; 24 for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. 25 But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does. 26 If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man`s religion is worthless. 27 Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.  James 1:12-27

Sisters, just like Lynn Anderson sings:

”I beg your pardon

I never promised you a rose garden

Along with the sunshine

There`s gotta be a little rain some time

When you take you gotta give so live and let live

Or let go . . .”

I CAN promise you this, even when it seems as though no one in this world cares how you feel or how sad you are, or what you do or don`t do . . . God cares!  He is an Almighty, Awesome, and Healing Father.  He too wears many hats and He can be whatever you need Him to be.  ~Whether it be a Father, a Friend, a Brother ~ He is there for us!  EVERY TIME!  He never leaves us or forsakes us!

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.  Psalm 23:4

Now, as I pass through this particular valley, I would like to send praises to my Father for once again bringing me through.

As my week has progressed a few things have happened:

My teenager and I had a nice long talk Monday evening about `life` and it was a healing, eye-opening experience for both of us.  He really is a wonderful kid and so full of potential and possibilities!  I know God has a wonderful plan for His life.

Thanks to some good advice and some time off from work (I love working from home), I am not only putting my new schedule (YES!  The one I`ve been working on for weeks!) into effect, but I am utilizing the `time-out` tactic.  I can report, that this is working like a gem so far.  We will see the true effects after a full week or two.

Praise God!  He is always there!  ~Just like He promises!

2 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; 3 seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. 4 For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust. 5 Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, 6 and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, 7 and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. 8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. 10 Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; 11 for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.  II Peter 1:2-11

Labels: Discouraged, Hope, Perseverance